i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
