this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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