I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
