Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
