I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
