I am spending my child support on dildos
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
