Nicole vs. Life
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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