i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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