True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
