eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
