Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
