I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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