apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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