fuck your aforementioned shoe
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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