Im at strip club and am horny
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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