so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
