I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
