I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am spending my child support on dildos
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
