You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
