Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
