I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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