maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
how do flat chested girls get laid?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
