I think I died a long time ago.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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