my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
