I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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