Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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