i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
