He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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