Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
