Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
