I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Those nachos came to me in a dream
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
