As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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