Michael Bay diarrhea
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
