three words: i give head
three words: not that well
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
