this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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