kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
