i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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