Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
