I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
