Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
