Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
