I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
