I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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