if i can run in heels then i can drive
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
