the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
