I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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