the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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