Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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