my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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