I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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