Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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