So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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