i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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