hotel room ftw
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
