my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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