True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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