You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
