Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
