i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
