The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
