I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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