I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
