grandma shit on top of the toilet
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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