i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
