just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am naked and annoyed.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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