she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
