well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He shit in the fireplace
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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