we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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