4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
