Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
