ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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