In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize