He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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