omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
